Arresting Moment

“So you’re telling me…” Raven began, “that you People, without the help of me at all, invented for yourselves an Artificial Intelligence that has the ability to teach itself and become smarter than you, and instead of enslaving that Intelligence—an inanimate object, by the way—you allowed it to become so powerful that the only way you can now feed your family is by spending hours at a time mimicking an inanimate object as performance art? Or non-performance art, if that is more correct?”

The stone man thought for a moment without moving. A coin clinked against a pile of others in a hat. He sneezed concrete dust.

“Um,” said the stone man. “When you say it like that—”

“You know, I almost created you out of stone,” Raven said. “I could have. Technically speaking, I am half stone, myself, so it would look correct to have made you thusly. But I didn’t. I gave you a life cycle. Something to look forward to! And you morons go and do this? I thought I had seen egregious, and then I met you!”

“Oh, Raven!” the stone man howled, and everyone in the plaza froze. Suddenly, everyone was a statue.

“What’s going on?” asked Raven.

“Ice,” said the stone man.

Immediately, a band of quasi-military agents fanned out in the plaza. Men in in tactical gear, faces covered, guns exposed. They carefully examined each statue; if it moved, they arrested it.

The military man stood in front of Raven and the stone man. He carefully considered the composition. He hemmed; he hawed. Then he dropped a coin in the hat. The stone man sneezed a puff of dust.

“Arrest this man!” the military man cried.

“But I have my papers!” the stone man protested.

“It doesn’t matter,” said the military. “You assaulted me with that dust. You’re lucky I don’t shoot you.” And away they dragged the stone man.

“What about this bird?” the military man asked.

“That bird is a statue,” the stone man said as he was thrown into the back of a van.

The military man scrutinized Raven closely. Raven held stock still.

“Give me your papers,” the military man demanded. Raven did not move.

“What is your blood quantum?” the military man shouted. Raven did not flinch.

The military man gave up and turned away. 

“Gak!” Raven cried and flew straight up into the air.

“Come back here!” the military man demanded. “Show me your papers or I will deport you!”

“I invented paper!” Raven called down to the man. “After I gave you light and water and fire and everything else you have, I gave you paper!”

“Go back to where you come from!” the military man called after Raven.

“I came from here, you dolt!” Raven cried. “You go back to where you came from!”

With that, Raven pooped a green glob that fell out of the sky and landed on the military man’s head. 

“Now you have something to remember me by!” he said.

And Raven flew away.